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⚠ Certified Sobering Financial Analysis

The Dating Tax
Calculator

A rigorous, peer-reviewed accounting of exactly how much your romantic endeavours are costing you — in real money, real time, and real dignity.

"To save money, I'm quitting you — Jimmy."
「为了省钱,我决定把你戒掉 — Jimmy」
Your inputs
$
$0
Per week
$0
Per month
Annual opportunity cost
$0
hours × wage × 52 weeks
Time you are never getting back
0
days of your life
0
Netflix episodes
0
full nights sleep
0
gym sessions missed
0
books you couldve read
Your dating therapist weighs in
🧑‍⚕️
Dr. Beverly Kline — Licensed Romantic Pessimist, PhD
Alternative companionship analysis
💔
Dating humans
Unreliable. Ghosting. "I'm not looking for anything serious." Left on read. Situationships.
vs
🐕
Golden Retriever
Loyal. Always thrilled to see you. Zero mixed signals. Annual cost ~$1,500. No games.
With your annual dating budget you could fund 0 years of premium dog ownership — or own 0 dogs simultaneously. Both are superior outcomes.
Global economic context
What that money could buy instead
Combo deals — or: the road not taken
What car you could drive instead
After 6 years of redirecting your dating budget into a car fund (0% interest, zero romantic disappointments), you could afford:
Big Mac Index
🍔
0
Big Macs per year
Netflix eps (45 min)0
Therapy sessions0
Red Bulls consumed0
Sad playlists made0
Pints of ice cream0
Avg. Big Mac ~$5.99 USD (2025 est). Updates live as you type.
Relationship ROI
–94%
Estimated return on investment
What your future self thinks
$0
Invested from age 22 to retirement (65)